Have you lost yourself?
We are first individuals, second a couple. If one person or the other looses themselves into their partner, they cease to have anything unique to offer the relationship. This is a time where a controlling personality must suppress their own supposed need to control, and their counterpart must try to find and maintain a strong hold on their own individuality.
If these simple rules of engagement are ignored in any relationship, both people become disenchanted. Some may even choose to stray from the relationship, hoping to find an individual who has something different or unique to offer. Reminds me of the old song “Do You Like Pina Coladas” Maintaining “a sense of self” is one of the most important responsibilities we have to our partner. It is our uniqueness that we gift to each other. Without it, we may become, in a sense, exchangable.
I often write about the need to simply sit back and listen to our intuition. If you have lost you “self” and everything seems to be about your partner, there may be signs of the lack of respect. You may believe this lack of respect is steming from your partner. Chances are, your partner is just picking up on or reacting to your own personal lack of respect and acting accordingly. You must own up to this and reevaluate who you really are.
Talk to eachother. Devise a plan to get back on track. Communication is top priority. Without it, or going alone on this self discovery quest of “finding yourself” may seem more of a threat of separation to your partner instead of an attempt to insure your relationships longevity and happiness.
Who you really are, your “self,” is just sitting there under the surface. It is that person your partner was attracted to in the first place. It’s time to let your “self”out. Be you. You know you want to anyway. Find the courage to do it now. Don’t throw an unexpected curve ball years down the road when the bitterness and disrespect becomes irreversible. Leave the martyrdom for the perfect righteous types who are too immature and can’t fathom being wrong.
E. E. Cummings wrote. “It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”
A few years back,
I made myself a bracelet with this saying on it that I wear everyday just as a reminder to keep myself in check and be real.
It’s not am easy transition but it is a journey worth taking. -Jen Nagle
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