Invitation to truth

If above all else, truth is what is most important to a person, then being wrong should be inviting. Even though we think we have become aware of something profound, we will walk through another, and yet another doorway until the christ is not only in us, but we become the christ. If we try not to make an idol of profoundness itself, we will not stand in our own way of the next evolution of our thought process and mental maturity. When we can make jesus disappear is when we will know him best. This means that the language of the christ will have become our own because we experience the truth behind our words. The words will no longer be babble and remain idle where they lay, the breath of life will be forever in them. It is said that when we meet the Buddha, we kill the Buddha. This is a profound parable. If this doesn’t make sense, challenge yourself to first make the things I say here true in your mind, then decide for yourself, armed with more then a single perception. Forcing ourselves to not just hear, but understand someone elses perspective takes us out of our conditioned prison.
Perception makes projection.
The parables of jesus are to walk us through mental processes that eventually lead to our freedom and peace of mind, but until we observe our own thoughts and manifested behavior, we wont know we are in the prison of our own mind. We wont see it because it is us who constructed it and our ego will not want to see it as being wrong. If we walk in the footsteps of christ, he will bear the sins of our brothers and of us through a stage. When we walk “as” the christ, the way jesus is teaching us to do, we will no longer see sin and sinners, we will see innocent unawareness. We will know what is behind our intentions. We will forgive “us” our trespasses “as” we forgive those who trespass against us. In other words jesus teaches us awareness to see projection. When we observe our behavior and notice that each time we have made a mistake, it was because we didnt know the better, healthier mental choice to make. We were innocent and always have been and so is our brothers. At the very same time we see our innocence, and we stop projecting guilt onto the world. We see ourselves as equils. We do onto others as we would have them do to us. This allows us to see that others are merely projecting just as we have. If we had the experiences and thoughts of a murderer, we would murder. Jesus begs us to not disclude anyone or situation from our forgiveness. Paul wanted nothing more than the death of christ. When Paul changed his way of thinking it was because his way of thinking had never been challenged before until then. He lost his sight and regained another. He was forced to see reality from a different perspective. He humbled himself and prostrated to the christ in seeing a new truth. He needed to see reality differently.
The ancient word sin was used in archery and was meant to denote missing the target or mark. When we miss the mark we are not seeing the truth of things. We are “sinning.” We have come quite a distance in maturing our minds through the teachings of the christ, along with other giants who’s shoulders we stand, many of whom teach that each being has within them the kingdom of heaven, not a place to arrive at, but a decision to come to. When peace flows from us, peace flows back to us. To the pure “All” things are pure. Let your light shine before men.

Rethinking spanking a child.

A few weeks ago a sermon I attended was spoken that led people there to believe that hitting a child is justified. Unfortunately this is merely teaching a child an unhealthy reation to take when christs reaction is not realized. This behavior seems to be a generational continuation of the sins of our earthly fathers, not our heavenly father or “higher self.” This is a conditioned misunderstanding of what love is. Unawareness wants to rationalize our behavior when we dont know alternative parenting skills. Jesus represents pure love and the christ consiousness he would have us live is reviled when we walk in “his” footsteps, not our own. When we walk in his footsteps, there is no challenge presented that pure love is blinded by. It is only when we seek to exonerate our own ununified behavior that we step outside holiness. When we separate ourselves from truth and pure love, we are faced with struggle. Jesus is the light and the way. His footprints are laid out. Violence begets violence. This unreasonable concept is similar to fighting for peace. It does not make sense in the eyes of our loving lord. Peace is synonymous with truth. If peace is not present there is illusion. What is real can not be threatened and what is not real, does not exist, so when we see something threatening, we must dive into christ consiousness to find the alternative answer and truth, not the answer we want to give. The answer christ gives is clear and has no sign of struggle. So what then is there to do? The issue seems to stem from passing down a generational sin. “Sin” being the old Aramaic and Hebrew archery term that describes missing the target. Sin is missing the truth of the matter. When we justify cruelty we are undoubtedly sinning. We are missing the mark. We are not on target to the truth. We must look beyond our own misguided definition of what love is if we want to be on target with the teachings of the Christ. The path is there and it is through being one in christ that the answers will flow. This is the universal language of higher self shared by all whom understand true peace and love. If we cannot see an imediate resolution in something, we must choose to react in peace, then wait for the truth to reveal itself to us. Any other method continues the mere “illusion” of truth.

Are you a narcissist or an empath?

There is a big difference between an empath and a narcissist. The two make a very volatile and toxic relationship. One person is very in tune with feelings the other has the absence or repressed feelings.

“Narcissism happens when a child’s feeling and actions are not validated or denied, leaving the child to abandon their own feelings.”

The childs brain chemistry changes to a constant non empathetic state. If a narcissists acts as if they can empathize, it is merely a learned reaction. In other words, their feelings were not validated so they took on responses that they saw work for others and use them as their own without really having the inner feeling to go along with those responses. One example might be the overboard crocodile tears they can shed from time to time. It may seem to you that they go a bit overboard in their responses. They felt the need to learn at a young age, how to get their way. They stuck with the child’s way of dealing with things because it worked well and since there is no real feeling behind those actions, there is no therapy that can make sense of them. The narcissist will also not be able to explain in a rational way, why they feel the way they do when asked. A narcissist can fool many people. They can be quite successful in business, mostly because their lack of empathy and ability to make harsh decisions. They understand that their weakness is their inability to communicate feelings, so more than likely they will do what it takes to hide that part of their life. Sometimes it’s only an intimate partner that we’ll see see that real trait coming out, and usually it’s not very healthy. Chances are, they picked you because you have an over abundance of feelings to mask their lack of feeling. They may have chosen you to learn better how how to get their way. These are great clues to discovering if you are dealing with a narcissist. If you are dealing with a narcissist, turn your thoughts inward and ask yourself why you are still dealing with them. Recognize what attracts you to this type of personality. Discover filters you can use to keep yourself safe. Gradually you will not allow yourself to become a victim.

A person matures when they are able to recognize and react responsibly to “Real Time” feelings.

Many times we try to suppress uncomfortable feelings. We find whatever way possible to not deal with our own junk. Looking in an all telling mirror, I discovered I had been burying myself in helping others to keep from facing my own reality. I spent many years, being a humanitarian, philanthropist, activist, and just plain helping others, which kept me in what I thought was healthy busy work. I thought that if I just put others first, my life would be good.

Until I put to work the concept of

” only after you help yourself, can you truly help others,”

I didn’t understand how much of my own undesirable junk, was critically leaking into my everyday life, stopping me from being at my best.

Chock-full of insecurities, the stuff I thought I had long left behind, was out in front of me, making my every poor decision, from the men I dated to the friends I surrounded myself with.

Looking back, this past year has been, not the hardest as I once thought, but actually the best spiritual and emotional growth year of my life.

Much needed emotional growth stood plainly in front of me, blocking my way from going on until I accepted what I needed to change about myself.

You have all been with me through the sorted stumbling blocks. Many of you will stick with me through the next set. Thank you for being my friend. Like each of us, I’m a work in progress.

I stand tall and will no longer ask why do these difficult things happen to me, but ask instead, what is this wonderful lesson I must learn to grow?

During my recovery from a recent worse than terrible relationship, I was fortunate enough to follow a wonderful new friend to an AA and NA 12 step program. At first I went as a supporting friend, then I found the meetings to be a big part my own personal growth. After only a few meetings, I discovered that I had been using a crutch, or several crutches actually, to escape from dealing with my own feelings. I listened to others who told stories about feeling like children, not able to deal with what life was throwing at them. They talked about mistakenly blaming others instead of themselves for the misfortunes in their life, and the hurt and worry they have caused loved ones along the way. Although I didn’t live with the bottle by my side, I found myself relating to many of the heart wrenching stories told in the rooms.

“I couldn’t believe I had found a group of imperfect souls who willingly dropped their armor at the door then held their loving hands out to help untether the heavy bindings of mine.”

Not only did my new found family share their deepest thoughts, but they helped me to work through my own confusing thoughts as well. Although there is still much work to be done, I now can walk away a better person.

To you I will always be grateful.

Here are just a few things you have taught me.

Many people drink, do drugs, or develope other habits in effort to stop from feeling an uncomfortable feeling. Sometimes the resulting feeling and action can be a gamble in itself.

Some people may have stopped maturing when they stopped dealing with “Real Time” feelings that occur  in everyday life.

It seems that in more cases than not, emotional growth is at stake, if an alcoholic, addict or simply anyone masking feelings, hasn’t found a new and healthy habit of dealing with emotional situations.      In other words the risk of staying stuck at the same maturity level of the age when the hiding of feelings started, is high, even if an alcoholic/addict has quit drinking. A long hard journey in sues.

I truly admire and respect the 12 Step programs. I have learned a lot about what a grip alcohol and drugs can have on people and the people around them. I also think it’s a great support system for those who need to find another way of living instead of suffering alone. I’ve gone to several meetings and have met some wonderful people. I figured out that although I’m not an alcoholic/addict, the twelve step programs out there are a great tool to help examine ones self in a methodical and logical way.

    There is one thing that my opinion differs on with the AA program. I don’t believe it only takes 21 days to change a habit as an all to familiar 1960s study once reviled in a top selling book. I think when that study was done they failed to considered the individual scope, depth, and challenge of the individual person and habit to be changed. I’ve seen what a challenge my friends at AA go through. I don’t believe there is a one size fits all habit changing deadline. Moreover, I think that defeatist type of ideas have no place in a therapy and growth setting such as AA. Sure, that wonderful goal setting system can work for someone who is wanting a better job, or pushing to run that upcoming Marathon, but not for those who struggle with a chemical predisposition and propensity toward substance abuse. It’s just not that darn simple. Think about it. If it worked with everyone, we wouldn’t have obesity, obsessions, or addictions of any kind. Less judgment here please. If you have walked this walk, you know in your heart that this doesn’t make sense nor apply here.

I have watched the growth and struggle of quite a few friends dealing with alcoholism and also addiction. It’s wonderful to be there to witness that one moment, when something clicks, and the words taught in the books or in the rooms take on a whole new meaning to someone.

It seems as though the people in AA who begin to struggle less, are the ones that swallow hard, then allow painful emotional growth to happen. They no longer hide from possible painful but potentially helpful experiences. They say “Bring it on!”

I still plan to show up at AA meetings here and there for the great emotional support that helps me deal with my emotions in “Real Time.” These friends give fellowship freely to anyone who has gone through emotional struggles of any kind. They love you until you can find love for yourself.

Some of my alcoholic friends have told me that they may have some emotional catching up to do compared to a non alcoholic. I guess ach of us are on our own journey.  I know I’m in good company, though, because some of the best lessons I’ve  been taught have come from my wonderful recovering alcoholic friends.                 Jen Nagle

Recovering from a Narcissist

with Shahida Arabi, M.A.

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How Society Gaslights Survivors of Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Psychopaths (A Guide for Therapists, Law Enforcement and Loved Ones)

 

By Shahida Arabi, Bestselling Author
Last updated: 19 Oct 2018

~ 10 MIN READ

“There is a class of individuals who have been around forever and who are found in every race, culture, society and walk of life. Everybody has met these people, been deceived and manipulated by them, and forced to live with or repair the damage they have wrought. These often charming—but always deadly—individuals have a clinical name: psychopaths. Their hallmark is a stunning lack of conscience; their game is self-gratification at the other person’s expense. Many spend time in prison, but many do not. All take far more than they give.” – Dr. Robert Hare, The Charming Psychopath

As an author who writes for abuse survivors, I’ve communicated with thousands of people who have been affected by malignant narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths as partners, friends, family members, co-workers or even bosses. Throughout the course of my work, I’ve noticed a common theme: the societal invalidation and gaslighting of survivors.

This form of secondary gaslighting and invalidation is incredibly painful, especially when it comes from the very professionals, friends and family members who are meant to help support the survivor on their healing journey. Not only does secondary gaslighting from other people further isolate the survivor, it actually hinders the healing process. I can’t tell you the number of times a survivor has reached out to me to tell me the painful effects of being invalidated by a friend, a family member, a spiritual leader or even a therapist who dispensed ill-informed, sometimes even victim-blaming ideas.

This also contributes to a global Gaslighting Effect in which speaking out about abuse by covert manipulators is met with some form of backlash, victim-blaming, and victim-shaming by enablers of abusers and abusers themselves. Survivor Ariel Leve explains that this form of secondary gaslighting in incredibly traumatic to the survivor. As she says, “It wasn’t just that my reality was canceled, but that my perception of reality was overwritten…it wasn’t the loudest and scariest explosions that caused the most damage. It wasn’t the physical violence or the verbal abuse or the lack of boundaries and inappropriate behavior. What did the real damage was the denial that these incidents ever occurred…the erasure of the abuse was worse than the abuse.”

How Have We Harmed Survivors? How Do We Help Them?

I want to preface this by saying that there are many excellent therapists, life coaches, writers and advocates who are well-informed about the effects of being with a highly manipulative, narcissistic individual. Unfortunately, there are also professionals and laypersons out there who inadvertently retraumatize survivors because of a lack of knowledge about how covert manipulation tactics work – as well as the effects of this type of trauma. Some survivors are even misdiagnosed by therapists when they are in fact suffering from PTSD or Complex PTSD from years of chronic abuse.

It’s important to learn the appropriate ways of communicating with survivors of malignant narcissists – those who lack empathy, who exploit others for their own gain, who abuse others chronically, and who lack remorse and conscience for their actions.

Here are common mistakes people make when communicating with survivors of this type of insidious violence:

1) Treating the abuse as a “compatibility” issue, a “bad break-up” or minimizing the pathological behavior of the abuser by equating it to that of the garden-variety jerk.

What we need to understand as a society is that malignant narcissism is not an “everyday” problem. While narcissism does exist on a spectrum, many of the survivors who are reeling from the trauma of emotional abuse have encountered individuals on the extreme end of the spectrum. They have met predatory individuals who have systematically stripped them of their self-worth and confidence. Victims of malignant narcissists often undergo emotional, psychological, spiritual, financial and sometimes even sexual or physical abuse.

Someone who is a malignant narcissist has characteristics that go beyond selfishness, self-centeredness or vanity. They have antisocial traits such as a lack of remorse, a failure to conform to social norms, impulsivity, aggression, and a lack of conscience. This is someone who can engage in inhumane cruelty and acts of both psychological and physical violence just to get their needs met.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula (2018), an expert on relationship abuse, notes, “I’ve done research and work in that area of domestic violence or what’s also called intimate partner violence, and most people who perpetrate domestic violence are either narcissistic or psychopathic. So there is danger there, in other words, they will dispose of you if you get in their way.”

The narcissistic or sociopathic abuser is not “just” a cheater, a player, or a “difficult” individual – and you cannot approach them as such. They tend to be chronically abusive, manipulative, deceptive and ruthless in their mind games. They can even escalate into horrific acts of violence.

When unwilling to receive or unresponsive to treatment, the malignant narcissist is someone with hardwired behavioral patterns which cause irreparable harm to others.

Whether you’re a therapist, an advocate, part of law enforcement, a family member or a friend of a survivor, be wary of giving out advice or counsel that would apply to garden-variety toxic people. For example, sometimes “direct communication” or assertiveness can actually enrage an abuser or give them information these manipulators can use as ammunition. Survivors would need strategies which are tailored to the dangerous aspects of exiting a relationship like this.

The same advice you give to someone dealing with an empathic person does not apply to someone who is empathy-impaired and intentionally and sadistically posing harm.

2) Interrupting key features of the healing process by trying to get the survivor to “heal” quickly.

While every healing journey is unique, the journeys of narcissistic abuse survivors have many similarities across the board because the same manipulation tactics are being used. A survivor of habitual gaslighting by an abuser is suffering from the extreme effects of cognitive dissonance. They are trying to reconcile their abuser’s false image which “hooked” them initially with the abuser’s true callous and cold self.

As a result of this, survivors tend to ruminate over incidents of abuse as well as the initial love-bombing they received from their abusers. Baffled onlookers (counselors, friends, family members) may assume that the survivor is “stuck” or “can’t move forward” because they ruminate over the incidents of abuse.

What they fail to understand is that rumination and over-analysis are effects of the trauma they experienced.

Survivors of any form of abuse are always attempting to sift through the thoughts, feelings, and memories which have caused them this cognitive dissonance. That’s why they tend to tell their stories again and again – because they are attempting to provide a coherent narrative to the trauma they just experienced.

This narrative allows them to overcome the cognitive dissonance and dissociation (including the disconnect among thoughts, memories, emotions) they experienced as a result of the abuse. As Andrea Schneider, LCSW (2014), writes, “Cognitive dissonance is diffused and reduced when the survivor of narcissistic abuse is able to receive validation and confirmation of the reality of his or her circumstances.”

To interrupt the process of rumination in a way that is judgmental and invalidating is especially harmful to a survivor who is just trying to figure out what happened to them. While you can certainly provide tips on healthier alternatives to excessive rumination, do not judge the rumination as a “defect” or “flaw” on the part of the survivor. It is a normal part of the journey to healing. A healthy way to interrupt rumination might be to ask what the survivor can do to better reconnect with the reality of the abuse they experienced and guide them to reconcile their cognitive dissonance by acknowledging the abuser’s disordered nature or tactics. This will help to decrease the gaslighting effect.

3) Making the victim responsible for the actions of the abuser and failing to recognize the impact of the trauma bond.

I understand that mental health professionals may only be treating the victim, so some feel they cannot “speak” to the actions of the abuser. Some law enforcement officials may be confused as to why the victim does not “press charges” or even defends the abuser. Friends and family members may also hesitate to “judge” a situation they themselves are not intimately involved in. However, aside from guiding the survivor to leaving the abuser safely, placing a hyper-focus on what the victim must do in the early stages of healing can be detrimental.

Asking the victim to continually “look within” in the very first weeks of recovery can even cross over the line to victim-blaming. Therapists, law enforcement officials, and loved ones must acknowledge the effects of the trauma bond that survivors developed with their abuser throughout the course of the relationship. This is a bond created by the intense, emotional experiences in the abuse cycle. Giving survivors tips and tools to gradually break what Dr. Patrick Carnes calls “the betrayal bond” is essential to their recovery journey.

Victims of malignant narcissists have heard many variations of victim-shaming statements such as the following even in the very beginning of their healing journey:

“You have to let it go.”

“You need to move forward.”

“You might be codependent.”

“Let’s talk about you, not him/her.”

“Why did you stay so long? Let’s explore that.”

These statements may come from a place of wanting the survivor to own their agency. However, when said in the early stages of recovery, they can retraumatize the survivor. A survivor at this stage is usually heavily trauma-bonded to their abusers. This means that regardless of any codependent traits (which may not even apply to them at all), they have bonded to the abuser in the abuse cycle in an effort to survive the abuse.

Dr. Joe Carver (2006) notes the dual impact of this bond and cognitive dissonance in his article, “The Small Kindness Perception”:

“The combination of “Stockholm Syndrome” and “cognitive dissonance” produces a victim who firmly believes the relationship is not only acceptable, but also desperately needed for their survival. The victim feels they would mentally collapse if the relationship ended. In long-term relationships, the victims have invested everything and placed “all their eggs in one basket”. The relationship now decides their level of self-esteem, self-worth, and emotional health.

Importantly, both Stockholm Syndrome and cognitive dissonance develop on an involuntary basis. The victim does not purposely invent this attitude. Both develop as an attempt to exist and survive in a threatening and controlling environment and relationship…They are trying to survive. Their personality is developing the feelings and thoughts needed to survive the situation and lower their emotional and physical risks…The victim is engaged in an attempt to survive and make a relationship work. Once they decide it doesn’t work and can’t be fixed, they will need our support as we patiently await their decision to return to a healthy and positive lifestyle.”

This trauma bond is strong and demands attention. This was not a normal breakup. The survivor at this point has gone through a great deal of gaslighting and needs to work through what the abuser has done to them before they move onto actions which actively support their healing. They need to connect to a vocabulary of the abuse they experienced. That is why they need to talk about their abuser first – to establish the tactics used and the effects of these tactics – before even attempting to move forward in any tangible way.

4) Mistaking the abuser as well-intentioned and communicating this to the survivor.

Narcissistic or sociopathic abusers tend to be very charming and can hook, dupe and manipulate even the most skilled of professionals. Just ask Dr. Robert Hare, creator of the Psychopathy Checklist, who admits to still being duped despite his expertise!

I have heard many horror stories of what occurred when survivors of narcissists entered into couples therapy with their abusers. The National Domestic Violence Hotline actually advises against couples therapy because an abusive relationship has a severe power imbalance. To be in a therapy room with an abuser is to give the abuser access to manipulate the therapist and further gaslight the victim.

As The National Domestic Violence Hotline asserts:

“The primary reason we don’t recommend couples counseling is that abuse is not a “relationship problem.” Couples counseling may imply that both partners contribute to the abusive behavior, when the choice to be abusive lies solely with the abusive partner. Focusing on communication or other relationship issues distracts from the abusive behavior, and may actually reinforce it in some cases. Additionally, a therapist may not be aware that abuse is present and inadvertently encourage the abuse to continue or escalate.”

This is something to keep in mind when speaking about the “intentions” of an abusive individual, even if you are providing only one-on-one counseling. Attempting to divert from or detract the focus on the abusive behavior or misreading the abuser’s “intentions” can have the inadvertent effect of making the victim feel as if their reality is not worth acknowledging. For any friend or family members of survivors, communicating the idea that, “I don’t think this person meant to hurt you,” is not only harmful, but this also tends to be false.

An abuser always has an agenda of controlling the victim. Their intentions are clear in that respect. A normal “jerk” or garden-variety toxic person who is unaware may be different. However, when it’s clear that the survivor has been emotionally terrorized, there is absolutely no reason for anyone to “doubt” that the intentions of an abuser were meant to harm.

A healthier alternative to this claim could be, “This person seems to have harmed you tremendously and has not made any efforts at stopping, even when you call him or her out. Let’s explore how you can take care of yourself and detach from this toxic person.”

The Big Picture

Some abusers are more sadistic than others. Some lack empathy, while others also lack a conscience. If you want to help any survivor of psychological abuse by a malignant narcissist, you have to help them acknowledge the mindset of what it means to be a predator – not further gaslight them into believing that they are dealing with someone who possesses empathy or remorse. You have to extend empathy, compassion, and nonjudgment to the victim – not the abuser.

At the end of the day, all abusers have issues with their sense of entitlement, their need for control and their stunning lack of empathy. Rather than focusing on the victim, it’s time for society to wake up to the abusive nature of their perpetrators

How Society Gaslights Survivors of Narcissists, Sociopaths and Psychopaths

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/recovering-narcissist/2018/10/gaslighting-survivors-of-narcissists-and-narcissistic-abuse/

Curing Cancer

https://www.getholistichealth.com/78160/woman-cured-cancer-1950s/

Are your endorphins messing up your life?

Endorphins play a big part of our lives. They are  hormones that are released in our brain through pleasure and bring us happiness. Sometimes something as simple as eating carbs that turn into sugar will do the trick. Endorphins are also released by touch, hugs, kiss and orgasm.

Babies that are not touched or held often die within the first couple of years of not having daily human touch.

The main reason most people are social beings is because of this very needed hormone. This hormone release calms us and takes tension away. It helps us feel connected. Getting public attention also gives us that high.

That is why it is craved, and that is why some people choose to cheat or develop unhealthy eating habits, gaining weight when their spouses no longer support their need for being held or showing loving attention.

Porn plays a huge part in the breakdown of a relationship. Along with other things where one person’s endorphins are being met. That person has no need for touch or loving feelings from their partner, nor can they empathize with the desire their partner has. They may even say their partner is needy.

The only way to sustain a true fulfilling and loving relationship is to realize where and what you are getting your endorphins released from.

Simple brain chemistry can make or break any relationship. This includes the relationship with your children as well. Video games and scary movies play a role in achieving an endorphin release. The more instant gratification that we allow in our lives, the less need we have for each other.

Conservative Ideas

When I travel I like to find different things to do to help out thecommunity I may be staying near or in. Looking into conservative groups is really a fun way to learn about the culture and environment you maybe traveling to, whether it’s in the US or traveling abroad. Here is one that you can sink your teeth into. Well at least goats can sink their teeth into it, but you can help as well. It’s in Horseshoe NC.

https://myhome.unctv.org/kudzu-goat-gang/

Suicide

I recently wrote this note to a very good friend of mine who was going through a tough time. I love you dearly my friend. You are always near to my heart…..

Things may seem overwhelming and confusing right now. I can’t pretend to know the depths of your despair. What I do know is that I love you. Some times I’m glad to greet that deep dark hole of despair. In it, and I mean in it, is the only, truly familiar place I can reside and feel at peace. There, is where, and when, clarity of my soul happens. All the choices I can’t seem to make, go away, as if they don’t matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore. It’s there, that the voices stop their screaming, and a quietness takes over. I’m so low, there is no further I can go. I feel so alone but because it’s familiar, my soul joins me, and I now, only hear it’s voice. It tells me that it’s ok. I hold my soul in my own arms like a baby, then, and I say “it’s going to be ok.” “We are going to be ok.” I see only one choice now. I see only one light now. I know that I have to crawl out, but my pace is my own, and I will take baby steps because I am broken.